And that’s not me saying it but but a reputable female academic sociologist called Catherine Hakim who works for a think tank, Civitas: the Institute for Civil Society.
Her latest book is an updated version of the New Rules. The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power. In it she proposes that men not getting enough sex leads to men being unfaithful, using prostitutes and possibly assaulting women.
She thinks society ignores the male sex deficit resulting in sexual frustration in men and unhappiness. She came to these conclusions after analysing data from 30 sex surveys conducted around the world.
She found a decline in sexual intercourse (In Japan half of couples are in sexless marriages, and are choosing work over sex) and the absence of major wars that traditionally reduced the number of surplus men – 6% more boys are born than girls and the World Bank estimates there is a world surplus of 60 million men, a situation coming to Britain in 2050. (Note also the problems with the male dominated refugees fleeing across the EU and the stories of sexual assaults in Germany).
Women’s increasing independence has also been a factor which has put them more in control.
And women are catching up with men in the number of sexual partners they have and only appear to have a bit less sex than men according to the British National Surveys of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. The only way to measure frustration is to look at masturbation (2 out of 3 men did it) and use of prostitution (1 in 25 men used them but hardly any women) according to that survey.
Men are twice as likely to admit affairs despite a large and growing majority of both sexes saying they believe infidelity is wrong. It seems that at overall men have higher sexual desire than women. Which may explain why there is so much sexual harassment of women at work and why sexual coercion is a male thing.
Perhaps more controversially she doesn’t believe sexual violence is about power but simply about sex and thinks many men live lives of bitter resentment that would shock their wives if they knew.
What does she suggest to counteract this? Well greater tolerance of infidelity and legalised prostitution for a start.
And if you are one of those men living a life of bitter resentment it might pay you to hang on until your eighties. Over-80s enjoy a better sex life than people in their 50s according to the University of Manchester which studied 7,000 people aged 50 and over.
They found at least 25% of the men and 10% of the women were sexually active.Older sexual partners were more likely to share the sexual preferences of their partners and feel emotionally close to them than 50-79-year olds.
Although women at all ages in the survey didn’t feel under pressure to have sex men over 80 felt six times more obliged to have sex than those aged 50- 59 and 70 -79. And women over 80 found it easier to get aroused than younger women especially the 60 – 69 year olds.
David Lee, the author of the report, thought the findings could reflect the longevity of the relationship, the fact that they didn’t have children in the home, and generally because they felt more contented. But the belief that sex stops at 80 – either due to disbelief, disgust, or humour – is simply not true.
He said “that clearly isn’t the case – and not how over-80s see it. There are no age boundaries and we need to get away from this idea“.
Well that’s good news if you can live that long. And on a positive note, as we are an ageing population, perhaps Hakim’s fears will be unfounded as men eventually get what they want and reduce that male sex deficit!
When Hakim worked previously at the LSE she specialised in employee relations relating to equal pay and gender differences but made her name with the publication of her book Erotic Capital in which she asserted that it’s magic combination of attractiveness and charisma is at the heart of how we work, live and conduct our relationships.
Whether or not you agreed with her she certainly upset feminists everywhere (and I’ve seen her in action first hand at an international conference rebutting a Brazilian delegate’s argument by referring to how much women spend in that country spend on enhancing their erotic capital).