Recently a Chicago alderman, Howard Brookins, complained of a horrible new scourge blighting his borough. Yes squirrels. Aggressive squirrels were eating their way through rubbish bins.
His fellow aldermen didn’t take him seriously but perhaps they should have.
Two weeks later a kamikaze squirrel threw itself into the front wheel of his bike as he cycled along a cycle path. The squirrel stopped him in his tracks and hospitalised him with a broken nose, a fractured skull and the loss of five teeth.
He is in hospital and will require multiple surgery and a month-long recovery period.
Insiders say it was payback from a bunch of outcasts keeping secret stashes of nuts and occasionally using blunt force to make their point.
Alderman Brookins told the Chicago Tribune “I can think of no other reason for this squirrel’s actions other than that it was like a suicide bomber getting revenge“. He believes he could have been killed in the attack. Despite Mr Brookins’ allegations ISIS has not claimed responsibility.
He has asked animal control for protection at his home if the squirrels turn up there.